January, the Pressure to Become Someone Else

New goals. New habits.

And underneath it all, a quieter but persistent message most of us know way too well: You should be better by now.

So many people walk into January (or any “fresh start” moment) carrying that pressure to fix themselves, optimize their lives, and finally get it right. Even when the intentions are good, that energy often pulls us into patterns that look like growth on the surface, but disconnection underneath.

It tends to sound like this:

    • Ignoring our body’s signals of fatigue or overwhelm

    • Pushing through emotions instead of actually feeling them

    • Suppressing needs in favor of productivity or “self-improvement”

    • Criticizing ourselves for not being some imagined, more healed version already

In the name of improvement, we often leave ourselves behind emotionally, physically, or relationally.

And here’s what I wish more people knew (and trusted):

    • Healing isn’t linear.

    • Motivation usually comes after safety, not before it.

    • You don’t need more discipline - you need more permission.

    • The parts of you that resist change are rarely the problem. They’re usually protecting something tender.

If your nervous system feels tired, guarded, or slow right now, nothing is wrong with you.

Winter isn’t a season of performance. It’s a season of conservation.

So instead of asking, “What should I fix this year?” - Try asking, “What do I need more of to feel supported?”

Support might look like:

    • Fewer goals, more rhythms

    • Boundaries that feel boring but safe

    • Letting progress be quiet and unremarkable

    • Allowing rest without having to earn it

January doesn’t have to be about transformation. It can be a month of gentle orientation and noticing what’s here without trying to overhaul it. And if you’re seeing familiar patterns show up more clearly right now around attachment, relationships, emotional reactivity, or self-criticism, that’s normal. It’s information. And honestly, it’s a really workable moment to explore those patterns with support.

You don’t need a new version of yourself.

You need a safer relationship with the one you already are.