Holiday Boundaries

Holiday Boundaries: Easier Said Than Done, But Still Worth Doing

How in the world are we already here? November snuck up fast, and suddenly the holidays are right around the corner. For some people, that means cozy meals, traditions, and quality time. For others, it can mean stress, tricky family dynamics, or bracing for those same conversations that come up every single year. (You know the ones.)

If you feel a mix of excitement and dread heading into the season—you’re not alone. Family gatherings have a way of pushing old buttons, bringing up expectations, and testing the boundaries we’ve worked hard to build in other parts of our lives.

The good news: boundaries are not only allowed, they’re healthy. And they don’t have to come with a giant announcement or dramatic confrontation. Often, it’s the small choices (before, during, and after a gathering) that make the biggest difference in how you feel.

Here are a few practical ways to hold onto your peace this holiday season:

1. Decide your “non-negotiables.”

Maybe it’s how long you’ll stay, who you’ll sit next to, or what topics you will and won’t engage in. You don’t have to control every part of the gathering, but you can control where your line is.

2. Use the graceful exit.

Boundaries don’t always sound like, “Don’t talk to me about that.” Sometimes it’s as simple as: “I’m going to step outside for some fresh air.” or “I think I’m going to call it a night—thanks so much for having me.” You get to leave, pause, or shift the conversation without apology.

3. Have a lifeline.

Text a friend before you walk in. Agree on a code word if you need to vent or get a pep talk. Having someone outside the room who gets it can make you feel a lot less alone.

4. The Three Components of Self-Compassion

When you set a boundary, people might not like it. That doesn’t mean it was wrong. Your job isn’t to manage everyone else’s feelings—it’s to take care of your own well-being.

The holidays can be complicated. They can hold both joy and stress, connection and old wounds. If you walk away from a family gathering feeling drained, that doesn’t mean you failed—it means you’re human.

So as we roll into this season (ready or not), give yourself permission to protect your energy, choose what feels right for you, and remember that boundaries aren’t about shutting people out—they’re about keeping yourself safe enough to show up authentically.